[Ex-crew] FW: The Welsh

Nikki and Rick Haworth maskediguanas at cox.net
Fri Feb 22 20:53:40 GMT 2008


While clearing my desk I came across a yellowed piece of paper which is
reproduced here.....

 

"It's All Too Easy"

 

And it is isn't it?  All too often we simply take the sterile comforts of
medical safety for granted.  The picture in most households is frighteningly
familiar:  Granny upstairs, blissfully comatose on draught Valium, father
resting peacefully after his recent quickie vasectomy and wondering how the
manicure got so out of hand, downstairs the children are playing happily
with deadly bacteria after a snack lunch of pot noodle fortified with
anti-bacterial vitamins.  And yet complacency can be fatal, because
throughout our daily lives we are each of us threatened by a menace far more
virulent than any microbe:

 

                                                THE WELSH!

 

Everywhere in your house Welshmen hide.  In the sink, round the U bend and
under the rim.  Often huge clusters of them can be found growing down the
drain.  And nine times out of ten they can leap out and be halfway through
'Bread of Heaven' before you've even had time to lag your eardrums.

 

At the Cliff Morgan Institute for No Known Cure, daily tests are carried out
on live Welshmen bred specially on a Petri dish of rabid Max Boyce culture.
For one of the most complex problems when dealing with the Welsh is the fact
that there are fifteen sexes.  To reproduce all fifteen must be brought
together in a ritual of copulation known as 'Rugby Union'.  Diligent efforts
are made to neutralize the organisms by pulling out the vocal chords with a
wrench, these are then bludgeoned with a 5lb sledge hammer to reduce the
danger of any so-called 'land of my fathers' reccurence.  Efforts are not
always successful however because there are still many factors about the
Welsh that are poorly understood.

 

The danger is clear:  Unless strong and decisive action is taken, vast
flocks of fat, beetroot faced Taffs will be roaming the countryside, eating
YOUR children and burning down YOUR house.  We stopped rabies at the
channel, we can stop the Welsh too, all it takes is YOUR generous support:

 

One Pound will buy a mouth plug for Shirley Bassey

Ten Pounds will blow up a room with your name in it at the DVLA in Swansea

Fifty Pounds will dry a man's face after a conversation with a Welsh
language official

 

Cut out and send in the attached:

............................................................................
.................................................

 

Please Accept the following insult against the
Welsh:......................................................

 

I further authorize a Welshman to be kneed in the balls once per month by
standing order

Name and address of
patella:................................................................

 

Return to:  The Welsh Appeal, Hardly Ever,

GWYLLFDDNFFWLLFYGDLLN, WC2

 

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